Contemplating
by MomofPhoenix
Summary: Ranger looks back on his life after a life changing moment. Told entirely in Ranger's POV rating is for language


A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot.

 _ **Contemplating**_

As I sit on my couch, relaxing for once, I can't help but contemplate how my life has turned out.

I came from a poor family and became a juvenile delinquent. I was sent to live with my grandmother who taught me control. She gave me a sense of self worth and I made her proud. When I left for college it was the proudest day of her life. I was going to beat the statistics and become someone.

I broke her heart the day I dropped out and joined the military. What she didn't know was that the money had run out. There was no other way to pay for my tuition. I would not ask her, she was barely scraping by as it was. She noticed the small changes in me when I returned after boot camp. I was a stronger person, not just physically, but mentally as well. I was someone she could take pride in again.

Then before I returned for Ranger school I had a weekend fling with Rachel. She was just a random girl who turned out to be the sister of a guy in my unit. He's the one who informed me that I was going to be a father, by way of a black eye and bruised ribs.

I married her with my eyes wide open, letting her know that under no circumstance would this be a real marriage. I was providing my name and financial support only. We would divorce before the child was a year old. I only returned when my daughter was born. She captured my heart when I looked into those familiar eyes.

When she asked for me to sign over my rights and allow Ron to adopt her, it was the hardest decision of my life. I had to entrust the safety and well-being of my child to another man. I also knew that he would be there for her in a way that I never would be able too. That terrified me, but I knew it was for the best.

When I left special forces I decided to make my base of operations in Trenton, New Jersey. It was a good location, between where I grew up, my ability to get to Washington, DC. quickly, and far enough away from Rachel. This way I wouldn't run the chance of accidentally running into them and hearing my daughter call another man Daddy. It was for the best. I didn't realize that it would be the best choice I would ever make.

Connie, the office manager at Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, got me set up as a bounty hunter. I told her I owed her a favor for it ,one she would eventually cash in on. I was able to start up my security business, between the military contracts I took on and the money I was earning from bounty hunting, it was more than enough.

Soon Connie cashed in on that favor and I didn't know that I would be staring at my future across from me in a greasy diner. When she walked in I knew I would be lost to her for good. The brown haired blue eyed girl would become the center of my universe. She quickly became the light in my very dark world. I couldn't have been more proud when she'd brought Morelli in on her own. I honestly didn't think she had a chance in the world bringing in a veteran cop, but she surprised me, just as she would many more times to come.

I stood, stretched, and grabbed a beer from the fridge. I knew what had me in such a contemplative mood this evening. I also knew that I needed this stroll down memory lane. I sat back on the overstuffed beige couch to start my stroll anew.

That first time I kissed her was because she looked so damn adorable holding the only thing of my car that had been left behind. The license plate. She looked so scared. I had been wanting to put my lips on hers for so long, that I couldn't hold back any longer. Those big watery blue eyes just sucked me in. In that moment I became aware that she could either be my personal heaven or hell. In many ways she was both.

I recounted each stalker with a sneer, but on the same side of the coin I grinned over each time one of her POS cars blew up. A few of them were of my own were just so bad that they had to go. There were also the time she saved my own skin and even my daughters.

She helped me when my company was being ruined by a couple of kids. Somehow they'd gotten the better of me to the point that I didn't even trust my own men. She knew better. Her instincts were better than mine. She just needed to hone them more and I would help her.

When Julie was kidnapped, she made herself a target. One that would get her kidnapped right along with my daughter. She didn't even know her, but because she was mine, she did it anyway.

The day I received a voicemail asking if I was okay during the Ramos mess, I was shocked that she not only cared that much, but didn't ask me to turn myself in. Hell, all of my men left messages for me to turn myself in, including my second in command. The evidence had been so damning, that everyone but her believed it.

I made a stupid mistake and had made a deal with her to get her to sleep with me that first time. I was am complete ass afterwards and sent her back to the idiot cop, who in no way deserved her.

I watched from the background for years as they did the back and forth thing. My heart broke each time they got a little closer to getting married. When something would happen I would sweep in and pull her close, but like the moron that I am, I would push her away again.

I'm lucky that she's not that stupid. After the last time, two years ago, she firmly planted a size seven boot up my ass. She let me know that in no uncertain terms would she allow it to happen any longer. That if I couldn't take her for who she was, she was cutting off all contact. She was done with the games. In all honesty so was I.

Two years ago yesterday, we took off for a JP and never looked back. I can honestly say that being married to my best friend has made for some interesting retrospective. Her family, with the exception of Mrs. Plum, were ecstatic over our marriage. It wasn't that her Mom disapproved of us, it was that she missed out on the whole dog and pony show. She stopped her bitching when I told her that she either stopped or our coming to dinner every other week would.

My family was over the moon when it came to my wife. They loved her from the moment Lester mentioned her after they first met. Anyone who could make me give up my seals hat and smile, was the greatest thing since sliced bread. My Abuela smiled and said she knew I would find my soul mate. That woman is wise beyond anything possible.

What has me in such a mood this evening? Today we brought a very special person into our home. One that is a part of the both of us. One that we would help guide into adulthood. Our son, who was already showing that he could out do his mother in the surprise department, decided to make he way screaming into the world yesterday.

We were in the middle of our anniversary dinner when her water broke in Rossini's. We didn't even get out of the restaurant when he made his appearance. Delivering my own child had put everything into a whole new perspective. I knew in that instant how prescious life really was and that I needed to hold on with both hands and enjoy the ride. Sort of like my wife, but with less garbage.

Ricky began to stir, so I picked him up out of his bassinet. I was just changing him when Steph came wandering out looking for us. She smiled and took Ricardo Francis Manoso from my arms gently. I followed them to the nursery and watched as she fed our son from her body.

In that single moment I knew that everything in my world was just the way it was supposed to be.

 _A/N I promise that I am working on my other stories. This one just pounced on me. I hope you enjoyed it! I have something else in the works right now, that isn't Fanfiction, so please bare with me about posting. Let me know what you think a out this one. I know it's different from what I normally write, but I wanted to try something._

 _I have gone through and fixed a couple of errors pointed out to me. Please understand that the majority of my work is not beta'd. All errors are of my own making._


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